Gone.

I can't keep myself from thinking "soon this will all be gone" and it's really sad. This, all this, life in this small town, living with my parents, hanging out with my freinds... yeah, it'll all be gone in a few months. And yet, the worst part is the distance. Becuase we'll be from 2 hours apart to across the country apart..



When did we get this old ?
I will miss everything. No more chillin, no more movie nights, no more star gazing, no more spooning for hours on trampolines, no more parties, no more shows, no more lying in bed with my parents discussing our day, no more road trips, no more parks behind my house, no more adventures on spare, no more crazy stories from work, no more visits to the golden arches, no more shopping trips, no more of that daily adventure stuff
but we'll have our memories...

Maybe it's not all gone.
Maybe just different.
Maybe it'll come back to us one day.
Maybe we'll realise how good we had it once.
Maybe.

A good friend once told me:

"Friendships should stay alive no matter what.

You gotta put effort into it.

If you screwed up, you can always fix it"

i wish it could be brought back to life.

Blue eyed boy to green eyed girl.

My brother says my blogs are too "sappy". I don't really think so. So I'll make this one REAL sappy. ..
Tonight at work I stumbled across the man of my dreams. He was real hot. His family left a $15 tip, and a note on the bill that said "thankyou, you work so hard." (Rich and kind) Two other waitors and myself stood at the door watching him leave, with words like "georgeous", "handsome", and "hawt", slipping off our tonges. We fought over who's table I should seat him at if he came back again... whatever I win either way, the other waitors are to old for him...

boo yah.

bffffffffff.

It's always the simple things that change our lives.

And these things never happen when you are looking for them to happen.

Life will reveal answers at the pace life wishes to do so.

You feel like running, but life is on a stroll.

This is how God does things.

-Donald Miller

imma touch the sky

It's funny how things change.

Life is so unconventional.

"I've got everything i need right here with me. I've got air in my lungs, and a few blank sheets of paper. I mean, i love waking up in the morning not knowing what's going to happen, who I'm going to meet, or where I'm going to wind up. Just the other night i was sleeping under a bridge, and now, here i am, on the grandest ship in the world having champagne with you fine people. I figure life's a gift and i don't intend on wasting it. You never know what hand you're gonna get dealt next. You learn to take life as it comes at ya, to make each day count. "

-Jack, the Titanic

tune my heart to sing thy grace

My spirit is soaring,

my head is spinning,

my heart is pounding,

and i realised that i get it.

i finally get life.

i am free

dont try to pin me down.

Broken noses and broken hearts

i fell in love this week. with sean penn. he's so badass and beautiful.

i also probably broke my nose. i was talking to stephen as i was getting in my van, and i accidently pulled the car door open to hard and it slammed in my face. I am extremely talented, some would say blonde, but i digress. i bought myself a new notebook today as retail therapy. it's cold outside, but my heart is warm. life is bitter but love is sweet. let's live and die by our own rules.

we are poets.

i went to quebec for a week, like always, it was intense.

this poem is dedicated to a boy named jeff may, who is co-author of my new poetry book entitled: "Jeff&Rae", a book of poetry about certain encounters during class time in the library:

there once was a blonde boy named jeff may
and on his spare he'd like to play
in the library, that is true
and distract girl's who's work was due
by throwing paperclips
his terrible aim would often slip
he'd appolise with a "sorry i missed you"

she would wander over to his table to chat
but he so often was a huge, no, mamoth brat
and threw that deadful paperclip right back
and hit her collar bone with a huge crack
she threw it back with a "UH! take that!"

after appoligising and much tears
he wandered over and procalimed his fears
for he was un capable of drawing nice picutres
and nothing seems to rhyme with picutres
but she picked up a pen and so generously helped him
he began to smile, and stopped looking grim
and then some principle kicked them out
but they did not pout
as the lady began to shout.

RUN.

life moves so fast.

my brother got married last weekend.
there's now an empty room in our house with bare walls. there is also so much leftover food from the wedding stuck in our fridge, overflowing to our garage. WIKKED.
that's all i really have to say. life is wonderful, and i want to fall in love. but i guess that can wait. untill then ill keep living the dream. word.

ohh. come back to me. please. just stay.
even if it's for a moment longer.
stay in my hazy vision.
i want to be able to feel again.
i want to feel the warmth of your love.
i want to feel your joy.
i want you to stay long enough
so that i can be strong.
please.
take notice.
take my pitiful offerings,
i found them on my way here.
it's not much. but these day's i've got nothing.
make sense out of this mess before you.
redemption never felt so far away.
so, i beg you.
find potential
there must be some part of me left
that still glows...
but stay.
stay in thes candel light.
as it flickers, disfiguring your image.
stay, a moment longer.

so much love.

man, this weekend, like everyother weekend was so busy. and i love it like that. (homework should not be done on weekends.) last night, after skiing all day and dinner at swiss chalet, we went to a coffee house at robyn's house. and her house was packed. but it was warm, it was cozy, it was chill, and insiprational. sitting in one large heap on the floor watching ppl preform was painful, but great. yeah there was drama, but besides that it was a really good evening. full of LOVE. nights like that are the best, they should last and lassssttttt.

" the thing that poets right about
the thing that singers sing about
the thing that flowers bloom for
the thing that stars shine for
the thing that babies laugh for
the thing that jesus died for
the thing that winners wait for
the thing that trees reach for
the thing that addicts stop for
the thing that widows die for
the thing that proud are humbled for
the thing that lonely are looking for
the thing that made me come alive
the thing that made me realize
that love is the most beautiful thingthat anyone can happen to" -bradley hathaway.

life is wonderful.
(and mel flushed her cell phone down the toilet.. HAA)

Last night i didn't have a car, so i had to walk home from work. It was almost minus 3000 degrees, and snowing like mad. so needless to say, i wasnt overjoyed for an hour long walk. so i set off, with 3 sweaters, and the wind whiping in my face so hard that i couldn't see. but that died down after two minutes, and.. it was beautiful. in writer's craft we are making a poetry portfolio, so while walking i decided to give a lame attempt at a poem. and here's what i came up with. it's really lame, so laugh, but in a way.. i like it.

how calm it is to step outside
into a flurry of snowflakes that sparkle up in the sky
to watch as they gently float down from the heavens
as some magical celeistial body
getting caught in my eyelashes.

how wonderful it is out here,
to prentend to be something that i am not
to be a wanderer, a lover, an explorer without a busy timetable
to step outside of a fast pased world
into a timeless expance of beauty

how peacful it is to be lost in awe,
to reconize the small things that we so often forget
make our lives as great as they are
to forget the worry that lingers in our thoughts
and to find strength in a smile, becuase life is such a gift

how beautiful it is,
to see footrpints trailing behind me in the snow
to mark my insignificant existance on this vast earth
if only for a minute, untill the wind sweeps them up
destroing all evidence.

ordinary.

" take my hand,

Live while you can

Don't you see your dreams lie right in the palm of your hand"

" Please come with me,

See what I see.

Touch the stars for time will not flee. "

take off your shoes, and lose your socks. pull out your guts, and dry them on the rocks, so you can live like all the rest..
with bare insides,
and cute outsides.

blahhhh

For so long, i've felt like i've lost my ability to write.

almost as if all inspiration stopped inspiring me.

and the ink ran dry upon this thirsty paper

today, however, i differ from that. maybe just a little.

i was looking at the book Velvet Elvis,

and i guess you could say i was inspired.

What if one were to write, even if they had nothing

to write about. But they just worte because

writing is a delicate form of art.

and we are to never stop painting becuase each

picutre is different and changing,

like discovering God.

So, why not.

why not do what you love, what you enjoy,

even if you feel there is no point, and

no inspiration driving it.

but do it man.

do it becuase you can, becuase the process

becomes such a beauitful product.

draw, becuase the world is beautiful.

paint, becoase the colours are bold enough

to light up a day.

write, becuase you can.

write, to change the world.

becuase you could.

you can.

hope is a driving force.

let everyone use their gifts. not quietly.

but LOUDLY. let them be noticed.

so others will take noitce.

beucase those who are inspired are insipartions.

we used to be dreamers.

stop dreaming, they say.
dreams are for the weak.
they hold no realistic value.
there is no place for dreamers in this world.
stop loving, they say.
love is not realistic,
love is for the weak.
love is a string of broken relationships,
of exposed vulnerability,
that leaves you looking like a fool.
i am a fool.
stop hopeing, they say.
hope is merely faith.
and faith is based on something
that we only believe in.
it's not for sure, they say.
so give up.
they say it's foolish, that idea of faith.
get real, they say.
they say you can't love untill it hurts.
beucase it always hurts.
and in the end you can't stop loving.

My 17th Summer

This summer i worked at camp for 8 weeks. It was a long summer, full of love, joy, hardships, camper's wet beds, raccoons, laughter, amazing days off, boating sways, and redemption. I was reading a book called "Through Painted Desserts" by Donald Miller, and i found a quote...
this quote is the only acuarte way to describe one of the BEST summers...

"No, Life cannot be understood flat on a page. It has to be lived; a person has to get out of his head, has to fall in love, has to memorize poems, has to jump off bridges into rives, has to stand in an empty desert wand whisper sonnets under his breath..."

* * *

This is exactly where life begins. It begins where it is welcomed

with arms that are open, begging to learn, dying to love,

asking to experience new things, yearning to create, attempting what was once thought to be impossible...

Evenings Off.

This is the regular routine;
-Starting site work with Caitlin which usualy involves grosse garbage bins with bags that drip on yyou, as you attempt to throw them into the huge dumpster. This reulsts in much screaming, and on-lookers laughing.
-Then we clean the Crow's NEst, which is a big building, sort of like a theater, you could say. We turn on the cd player and sing and dance on the stage-ish part for about 10 min, untill we decide to acutaly sweep the place.
-then we go out on the porch and look over the lake and the sunset.
-this is followed by rolling down support-staff hill, and hitting numerous rocks and sticks in the porcess, resulting in real scarted up legs.
I LOVE CAMP.
but i can';t wait to have cmapers againg.

Dusk and Summer

Five things that i like a whole lot:

1. SUMMER

2. Sunsets

3. Dani

4. Forests

5. SUMMER

quote.

" Promise me you'll always remember:

You're braver than you believe,
and stronger than you seem,

and smarter than you think"

-From Christopher Robin to Pooh

AA Milne