On Blankets.

"I have come from heaven not to do my own will but to do the will of Him who sent me. And this is the will of Him who sent me, that i shall lose none of what he has given me, But raise them up at the last day."

-John 6:38

God is into keeping his people,
not losing them.
Us, as Chirstians, tend to push non-chirstians away from ourselves.
i dont know why, but sometimes we push them away from God.
We feel like they shouldn't accept us, so we don't accept them.
I think it's funny that Christians end up turning soo many ppl away from Christianity, while trying to save them.
I hate the term "save". as if our only goal is to convert others.
maybe it should be.
but that sounds so lame.
i just want to spread God's love in joy, in hopes that others will recieve that love and joy.
sort of like this:

"Preach the Gospel at all times, and if necessary, use words"

I got a book for chirstmas called "Blankets"
and its real good. it is the story of a boy's life,
he grew up in a chirstian home, but slowly loses faith as he finds his first love,
falls away from it, and moves on in life.
they christians in his life caused him to fall away from Christianity, i think
and the end he says this:

But i can't deny my lack of faith either.
i still believe in God; the teachings of Jesus, the Bible even,
but the rest of Christianity... it's the Bible, the churches, it's dogma--
only sets up boundaries between people and cultures. It denies the Beauty of beeing human.
and it ignores all these gaps that need to be filled by the individual.

-Craig Thompson

this makes me think.
when i think about it, i never come to any conclusion...

what is so wrong with christianity?

what is the beauty of beeing human?

what gaps need to be filled by the individual?

We could feel alive.

i want to actualy do something with my life.
i want it to have significance.
i dont want to lead the average life, with the average goals...
as in, find a husband and have an ok marriage, have decent children, find a job that pays good, and have a nice house.
although i would like that, i want more than that.
i want to have a job that i actualy like, a job where i can help others out, and make a difference.
i want a marriage that i will delight in, and a husband that will encourage me.
i want children with beautiful smiles that know how to actualy live.
i will show them that life is what you make it,
and it IS possible to have love and laughter, joy and peace, in life,
it's affected by the decisions you make.
I want to make a difference.
I want to have an impact on my community and those around me.
we have become so used to poverty and brokness,
we never give it a second thought.
i want to create change.
to somehow open others eyes to see life in a new sort of way.
to be genuine...
TO BE REAL.
i want to actualy be alive in this world were so many are dead.
no dead as in cease to live, but dead as in lack of life,
lack of interest, lack of motivation, lack of purpose,
lack of direction...
* * * *
Saturday night was beautiful.
there's something so calming and beautiful about the night sky
especially out in the country where all the lights from town are hidden
and you can faintly see houses in the distance as white chirstmas lights outline them.
we went for a walk which ended up beeing almost 2.5 hours long
but it was worth it, i think
although we had to hop a few eletric fences,
got a zillion soakers
walked through a feild of mud up past our ankles
and all the while beeing super dark, and scary
it was worth it to be with freinds
to have cool conversations
and to actualy feel alive for once, after weeks of ISUs and tests.
i am content.

on beeing young and Aspiring

these are pcitures of: my 6 yr camper alexis and me, she couldnt sleep so i took her out in th e hall read to her, and she fell asleep on my lap
and, arron mathew and some leader at our Disco camp fires.
this is how arron prays: dear God, thankyou that i love you. thankyou that you are Lord of my life, and thankyou for the people in china. and bless mommy and daddy and anutie...

remember when we were young?
remeber when we were young and we felt so invincible?
we had the whole world at our hands, and our whole lives ahead of us.remember life was exciting, joyfull, something we loved.it was a constant adventure we always craved,remeber everything amazing us?

i hate this whole idea of growing older.
i hate when were older we have a certain level of matuirty to live up to.
and you cant do any of those things you did when you were little,
like lying under the sky and watching the clouds as they change forms above you.
our lives are turned into a day to day routine,
filled with stress, worry and school work.
and i hate it i hate it i hate it!whatever happend to living life simply,
to living life freely?living with the simple spirit of a child?
well, i am a child.
i am still young. i have not even lived half of a normal life span.
and im not going to waste the rest of my time trying to be old.

i refeused to be looked down upon beucase i am young.
i refuse to be seen as useless and just wanting attention.
i refuse to be thought of as dumb, or immature.
i refuse to have my life limited,
i refuse to be held captive to those ideas of how i should be,
or how i should act.i am young, i am foolish.i have dreams,
i have ambitions, i have goals and aspirations,
and i refuse to let others take those away from me.
i refuse to abondon this childlike joy that surrounds mei refuse to stand still,
i will dance.
i will sing.
i will play childish games.
i will lie under the sky and wtach clouds trade forms above me
i refuse to be quiet and unheardi will have an impact,
i will make i differencei will Love God,
i will delight in Him.i will live simplyi will never stop striving to see beauty ineverythingi refues to be confined.
i will never stop beeing all that i am.