iiiiii promise;

Tonight we sat in my car,

tossing around the idea of leaving,

and re-living the moments of the past year,

to leave this place of love is tearing me up,

but at the same time i know that it's time

it's time to leave and create my own way of life.

I promise myself, from now on,

that i will never let anything hold me back.

things like money,people,lovers,fear...

i will live with no limits; no fear of failure.

Yes, i love my friends and family dearly,

but they will always be here,

behind me,

as for myself, i am

free.

it's time to embrace the opportunity of leaving,

of journeying and of creating,

fly me like the wind.

(photo cred: robyn huizenga)

my only worry is that

we will be cheated out of time,

that is rightfully ours.

the air i breathe,

"Well, all I need

Is the air I breathe

And a place to rest

My head"

i love my life, right now.

goodbye,

castles they might cruble

dreams may not come true

but you are never all alone

becuase i will always, always love you.

-plumb

this summer started out the BEST in the world, i am exicted to see where the rest goes.

boats and stars,,

What a perfect night,

in a boat, in the middle of the lake, under a vast canopy of stars, lights shinning dimmly off shore, laughter floating in the air.

so beautiful it hurts.

I see you sitting there, and I'm reminded why i don't want to leave.

But tonight we are invincible,

tonight we are young,

tonight we are alive.

i hope that you will remember nights like this,

i hope that your always happy.

hope; the only thing that is worth holding on to.

always be my baby,

we are still young, we are still just dreamers blind to the cruelty of this cold world. we are still golden but time will make us bitter. these nights are cold but our hearts are warm, are smiles are bright, but we are still broken inside.

it seems like a movie, we are characters with hopes and dreams that found each other while heading our seperate ways. with wide eyes and nervous minds we somehow met to become this. and who could say for sure, but here is where we are now, somehow together, but still so far apart. with no sure idea on how to close the distance.

i wish i could be that everything for you, as you for me. but i am hardly the person you think i am, and perhaps you are someone else too. but my heart is continualy pulled so terribly close to yours, my hand to your hand, my soul toward what i think is yours.

but the truth is, we are blind. we are fools; we cannot redeem it eachother. it does not always work out heart for heart. life does not amount to what is fair. i am not perfect, and you are not god, nothing can hide the fact that we aren't perfect people. time is our enemy, no matter how far we run we are caught in its trap. and slowly whatever we are is pulled from our grasp.

but i am just bitter, and you are out of reach. But maybe, just maybe, something will work out for once. ..

you are the best one, of the best ones.

"Can you sleep as the sound hits your ears one at a time?

an unspokenbalance here,

unabridged for so many years,
that i should stare at receivers to receive her isn't fair.
don't worry i'll catch you
don't ever worry..

Your arms in mine, anytime
i wouldn't trade anything
you're still my everything
to my surprise, before my eyes, you arrive
don't worry I'll catch you
don't ever worry
i'm still breaking old habits,
You're still breaking my heart.
no need for reminding...
you're still all that matters to me"

-I'll Catch You, by The Get Up Kids

unreachable.

What a beautiful thing it is to be content with just breathing,

becuase your alive..

"This is the epitome of everything you see in the movies

And this world is a time bomb ticking and I think I can stop it if you help me.

And if this ground gives way I just hope that you’ll catch me"

-The Spill Canvas

Gone.

I can't keep myself from thinking "soon this will all be gone" and it's really sad. This, all this, life in this small town, living with my parents, hanging out with my freinds... yeah, it'll all be gone in a few months. And yet, the worst part is the distance. Becuase we'll be from 2 hours apart to across the country apart..



When did we get this old ?
I will miss everything. No more chillin, no more movie nights, no more star gazing, no more spooning for hours on trampolines, no more parties, no more shows, no more lying in bed with my parents discussing our day, no more road trips, no more parks behind my house, no more adventures on spare, no more crazy stories from work, no more visits to the golden arches, no more shopping trips, no more of that daily adventure stuff
but we'll have our memories...

Maybe it's not all gone.
Maybe just different.
Maybe it'll come back to us one day.
Maybe we'll realise how good we had it once.
Maybe.

A good friend once told me:

"Friendships should stay alive no matter what.

You gotta put effort into it.

If you screwed up, you can always fix it"

i wish it could be brought back to life.

Blue eyed boy to green eyed girl.

My brother says my blogs are too "sappy". I don't really think so. So I'll make this one REAL sappy. ..
Tonight at work I stumbled across the man of my dreams. He was real hot. His family left a $15 tip, and a note on the bill that said "thankyou, you work so hard." (Rich and kind) Two other waitors and myself stood at the door watching him leave, with words like "georgeous", "handsome", and "hawt", slipping off our tonges. We fought over who's table I should seat him at if he came back again... whatever I win either way, the other waitors are to old for him...

boo yah.

bffffffffff.

It's always the simple things that change our lives.

And these things never happen when you are looking for them to happen.

Life will reveal answers at the pace life wishes to do so.

You feel like running, but life is on a stroll.

This is how God does things.

-Donald Miller

imma touch the sky

It's funny how things change.

Life is so unconventional.

"I've got everything i need right here with me. I've got air in my lungs, and a few blank sheets of paper. I mean, i love waking up in the morning not knowing what's going to happen, who I'm going to meet, or where I'm going to wind up. Just the other night i was sleeping under a bridge, and now, here i am, on the grandest ship in the world having champagne with you fine people. I figure life's a gift and i don't intend on wasting it. You never know what hand you're gonna get dealt next. You learn to take life as it comes at ya, to make each day count. "

-Jack, the Titanic

tune my heart to sing thy grace

My spirit is soaring,

my head is spinning,

my heart is pounding,

and i realised that i get it.

i finally get life.

i am free

dont try to pin me down.

Broken noses and broken hearts

i fell in love this week. with sean penn. he's so badass and beautiful.

i also probably broke my nose. i was talking to stephen as i was getting in my van, and i accidently pulled the car door open to hard and it slammed in my face. I am extremely talented, some would say blonde, but i digress. i bought myself a new notebook today as retail therapy. it's cold outside, but my heart is warm. life is bitter but love is sweet. let's live and die by our own rules.

we are poets.

i went to quebec for a week, like always, it was intense.

this poem is dedicated to a boy named jeff may, who is co-author of my new poetry book entitled: "Jeff&Rae", a book of poetry about certain encounters during class time in the library:

there once was a blonde boy named jeff may
and on his spare he'd like to play
in the library, that is true
and distract girl's who's work was due
by throwing paperclips
his terrible aim would often slip
he'd appolise with a "sorry i missed you"

she would wander over to his table to chat
but he so often was a huge, no, mamoth brat
and threw that deadful paperclip right back
and hit her collar bone with a huge crack
she threw it back with a "UH! take that!"

after appoligising and much tears
he wandered over and procalimed his fears
for he was un capable of drawing nice picutres
and nothing seems to rhyme with picutres
but she picked up a pen and so generously helped him
he began to smile, and stopped looking grim
and then some principle kicked them out
but they did not pout
as the lady began to shout.

RUN.

life moves so fast.

my brother got married last weekend.
there's now an empty room in our house with bare walls. there is also so much leftover food from the wedding stuck in our fridge, overflowing to our garage. WIKKED.
that's all i really have to say. life is wonderful, and i want to fall in love. but i guess that can wait. untill then ill keep living the dream. word.

ohh. come back to me. please. just stay.
even if it's for a moment longer.
stay in my hazy vision.
i want to be able to feel again.
i want to feel the warmth of your love.
i want to feel your joy.
i want you to stay long enough
so that i can be strong.
please.
take notice.
take my pitiful offerings,
i found them on my way here.
it's not much. but these day's i've got nothing.
make sense out of this mess before you.
redemption never felt so far away.
so, i beg you.
find potential
there must be some part of me left
that still glows...
but stay.
stay in thes candel light.
as it flickers, disfiguring your image.
stay, a moment longer.

so much love.

man, this weekend, like everyother weekend was so busy. and i love it like that. (homework should not be done on weekends.) last night, after skiing all day and dinner at swiss chalet, we went to a coffee house at robyn's house. and her house was packed. but it was warm, it was cozy, it was chill, and insiprational. sitting in one large heap on the floor watching ppl preform was painful, but great. yeah there was drama, but besides that it was a really good evening. full of LOVE. nights like that are the best, they should last and lassssttttt.

" the thing that poets right about
the thing that singers sing about
the thing that flowers bloom for
the thing that stars shine for
the thing that babies laugh for
the thing that jesus died for
the thing that winners wait for
the thing that trees reach for
the thing that addicts stop for
the thing that widows die for
the thing that proud are humbled for
the thing that lonely are looking for
the thing that made me come alive
the thing that made me realize
that love is the most beautiful thingthat anyone can happen to" -bradley hathaway.

life is wonderful.
(and mel flushed her cell phone down the toilet.. HAA)

Last night i didn't have a car, so i had to walk home from work. It was almost minus 3000 degrees, and snowing like mad. so needless to say, i wasnt overjoyed for an hour long walk. so i set off, with 3 sweaters, and the wind whiping in my face so hard that i couldn't see. but that died down after two minutes, and.. it was beautiful. in writer's craft we are making a poetry portfolio, so while walking i decided to give a lame attempt at a poem. and here's what i came up with. it's really lame, so laugh, but in a way.. i like it.

how calm it is to step outside
into a flurry of snowflakes that sparkle up in the sky
to watch as they gently float down from the heavens
as some magical celeistial body
getting caught in my eyelashes.

how wonderful it is out here,
to prentend to be something that i am not
to be a wanderer, a lover, an explorer without a busy timetable
to step outside of a fast pased world
into a timeless expance of beauty

how peacful it is to be lost in awe,
to reconize the small things that we so often forget
make our lives as great as they are
to forget the worry that lingers in our thoughts
and to find strength in a smile, becuase life is such a gift

how beautiful it is,
to see footrpints trailing behind me in the snow
to mark my insignificant existance on this vast earth
if only for a minute, untill the wind sweeps them up
destroing all evidence.